back to Families and Faith articles
Alison Hendy from Guildford ranges over some contemporary issues in the matter of encouraging the development of faith in families.
I n a time when the family unit has become harder than ever to maintain, when television programmes show the equivalent of family makeovers and politicians suggest allowing children to stay at school for up to 10 hours a day, it is no wonder that parents are struggling. Many adults are from fractured homes themselves so have no good role models to help them in the bringing up of their own children. In such an environment how do Christian parents (and parents of all faiths are asking the same questions) share their faith with their children. Parenting groups and classes are now becoming more widely available (many of them run by faith communities), to help with the basic skills of bringing up a family, but where do we find the specific help needed on sharing our faith with our offspring? Whose responsibility is it to help our children learn about and come to know God?
“I send them to Sunday school”
“They go to a Church of England School”
“Her secondary school has 100% pass rate at short course GCSE RE”
“He has to go to Chapel every day and anyway it is all covered in preparation for Common Entrance”
are all answers that have been offered to that question in recent months. In a consumer society it is easy for faith to be viewed in the same light as music lessons or football coaching, something we buy in or sign our children up to as yet another club or out of school activity.
We are familiar with the words in Deuteronomy that tell us to remember the commandments, to teach them to our children, to talk about them when we are at home and when we are away, when we are resting and when we are working. It seems that churches presume this is what is happening. An assumption is made that if families are in church then everything is fine. However even in many Christian families it can be surprising how little faith is talked about as part of every day life and even less lived out in dealings with people and situations outside the Sunday service. Talk about God may be limited to denigrating the choice of hymns in the service or shouting up the stairs “and don't forget to say your prayers”. The impact of the Christian message may never be thought of in terms of relationships with difficult neighbours or a 17 year old trying to pay half fare on the bus on the way to see an 18 film.
So what support can we as a church give to parents in our congregations to encourage their children into the knowledge and love of God?
Preparation for baptism or dedication is an obvious time to introduce some key pointers to parents, indeed some churches start at marriage preparation. Perhaps producing an attractive booklet of ideas, prayers, thoughts and insights which is talked through and not just handed to the parents would be a useful idea. This could also include a booklist with publishers names, ISBN's and prices of suitable books for gifts, which could be far more useful than a silver napkin ring! Make sure that the church bookstall is well supplied with material for both children and parents. Many churches have follow up visits after Baptism and this could be a great opportunity to provide further thoughts and suggestions for parents. However you can provide all the material you want but unless parents are encouraged to talk with children about what faith means to them and show it in their every day lives, then the Christening Bible will stay on the shelf until there is a tricky question on Moses in the year 4 homework and the prayer books will be shoved to the back of the shelf to make room for the growing DVD collection.
When my children were born it seemed that there were 100's of books to read on the minutest details of pregnancy and the birth. There were constant check ups, scans etc but once the babies were born and started growing, the advice seemed to thin out and very soon as they started their education there was nothing to help me deal with the complex behaviour of school children. Don't let our churches be like that. You need solid foundations but they are pointless if the walls are never built.
At toddler services, ideas for following up the session at home could given out. Before children join Sunday groups or move from one to the next, parents could be invited to come and hear the reasons why you have the groups, what their aims are and perhaps even why you give the children take home sheets and what you hope they will do with them.
If children are preparing for communion before confirmation or for confirmation itself there could be one or two sessions for the parents. They could come together and share questions or concerns or look for guidance on issues arising from the sessions as well being given a good overview of what is being covered to enable them to engage more fully with their child. Often in churches, the members of a children or young peoples group may come from several different schools so the parents may not know each other as well as the casual observer would suppose. By having a chance to meet they may well be able to encourage each other as Christian parents in what can seem like a hostile world.
Running a session for parents on helping children deal with bereavement and the inevitable questions it raises about God, the universe and everything, might need a little selling at first but the wisdom of such an act will be greatly appreciated when someone close to the family dies. To have helped parents think through some of the issues before they were emotionally involved can take lot of strain off the family at a very difficult time.
Some congregations recognise the cycle of the church's year more fully than others but most will have at least some reference to Christmas, Easter and Pentecost. Harvest is often celebrated and there are countless other special times such as Saints days, lesser festivals, Advent and Lent. These give the perfect opportunities for families to investigate, discuss and celebrate many areas of their faith as well as marking the rhythm of the Christian year. Children and young people love traditions and it seems that you only have to do something for two or three years running, for it to become firmly established as something which has always happened. Many of these traditions will be passed onto their families and hopefully with them the message and reason behind the act. Perhaps churches should compile books of all the family faith traditions they have in their midst, to encourage others to see the value of sharing experiences and talking about their Christian heritage.
There have been several books published in the last few years full of ideas for celebrating the Christian year with your family, suggestions for family worship and how to bring up your family in faith. If you have a Diocesan Resource Centre near you, call and see what they have on their shelves or check out your local Christian bookshop to see what they have on offer. There are also websites (mostly American) from many different denominations and faiths looking into how and why it is so vital that we share our faith with our children.
It is our duty as a church to encourage families in their endeavours and give them prayerful and practical support so that the Christian message will continue from generation to generation.
© 2005 Alison Hendy & Newsline